Lost in translation.

Hey. Yeah it's been awhile. Again. I'm here to let things out. I don't know where else to say this. So here goes.

I feel like you've made your decision. Feels like your pushing me away. I have this feeling inside of me which I know. So what's up? Why don't you tell me.

Why are you still stringing me along. Let me go. Just do it. Just get it over with. Everyday I die a little inside. I understand that you've chosen him over me. I'm okay with it.

I always thought you'll be independent. Strong and brave enough. But what you're doing now is just. Just not right.

I'm at the point where I could either love you. Or hate you. How it turns out, I guess I'll know it soon enough.

So where did it all go wrong? Did I push you away? Did I force myself on you? Did it all move to fast? You put me in this situation. You put me in this race. A race which was an uphill battle.

Remember what you said to me? It seems those words means nothing at all now. Little things you do. Little things you say. I hate this feeling. The feeling that all I can is the back of you. Slowly walking away. Into the distance.

You were fun when we were just friends. I guess we're not suited to be together. Communication is some kind of a barrier between us. I always thought if we had chemistry, communication wouldn't be a problem.

But you. You choose to shut me out. Not even trying to talk to me. To even trying well anything. Feels like a one way street. If this is a precursor to our future. Then it's not going to work between us. So please. I beg you. End it

I love you too much to let you go. But clearly, we're not meant to be. You have your own world and it seems you're desperately trying to keep me out.

Maybe I have been a little sensitive, who am I kidding, I have been emotional. But I'm not afraid to hide it. I thought the purpose of being with another is to be true to oneself and to each another. Clearly you're not.

Or maybe I just don't know you all that well. Or I do just that I'm not admitting it cause I have this vision of the person you are but you're not.

I tried. I gave you my best and what I could. Maybe it wasn't enough for you. It's ok. I'll try harder next time. I've tried to be better. Better for you. Guess it wasn't enough to convince you.

Tell me darling. What now?

1-2-oh fuck off..~~

"move on"
"why are you still holding on?"
"forget about her"

Yeah, this is so damn easy to do. *sarcasm*

Its not. Ok maybe it is, but there are side effects to this. The psychological effects it has. It sucks, its depressing. Fucking depressing. I dont know. I feel very detach at the moment, feel like an extra wheel. Feel like i dont belong.

Is this the effect of me trying to move on? or the effect that i dont speak their language? I think its both. Pfft. No really, I've tried to reduce our contact. I think i cut it off so hard and fast, my heart took a cut in the process. Now its like we're strangers. We dont even look at each another in the eye anymore.

It feels like she's pissed about something. Something I did, something i said, maybe. I dont know i dont read minds. But i get the vibe, the feeling she gives off towards me. So yeah, it hurts seeing how we turned out. I was willing to do anything for her.

Never in a long time i felt this way. Never was i willing to go all out for a girl. Then, I found this one, and i had hopes, some glimmer of it. False hope is what it was, fueled by my own denial and ignorance, that light got stronger but suddenly things spiraled out of control.

Just when i gotten comfortable around her, i came out of the shell and jumped right into a storm. Shitstorm. Mutilated, lacerated, and bruised is what my heart got. I was warned that this wasnt gonna end well. Is this the end? I dont know, as long as she's here, its not.

So i dont know where to go or what to do, persevere? Brace the storm and go on through? Go back into this shell? Cut my losses and move somewhere? I dont know. Fuck this. This thing has been hell for me, my motivation has been off because of this.

The day i do not want to come to here is when its time to move on right?

Is this ever enough?

Life is dull, fucking dull. I don't know why. Currently. Its slow, depressing and mind-numbing boring. I'm sick of this place, I feel like i'm not wanted. I feel left out by people who i think i was close to. People who I thought I bonded with, people who i thought i can trust and talk to. I feel like i'm an extra piece on this chess board. There is this void, like a black hole, its slowly eating me away. Carving piece by piece of my soul. Day by day this painstaking job is taking its toll on me.

Maybe I was naive, thinking colleagues and become close friends, meh, the time i actually open up to people and it backfired, maybe i should just go back into the shell like previously and just mind my own fucking business.

I lost it. The motivation, the momentum, the joy, the mood, the fire. Don't know where its gone, maybe its the expectations or the promises that were made and then broken and all there is left is the dire disappointment and despair.

When I first started this job, only thing got me moving was the dream i had. The dream that one day i will come to own my car. Then that happen, i told myself, this car will be my stick and my job will be the carrot. For people its usually the other way around but the way i see it, if im not doing a good job at work, my car will kick my ass cause of i lose my job, im screwed.

Then she walked in, i can tell you, the fire came back, like a firestorm, a nuclear bomb explosion, a tsunami, what ever the fuck you want to call it, somehow it fueled me, i came to work early, i get all my things done, i worked like a god, i was on top of the game, got everything fucking thing done right. Like all good things, it must come to an end. Feels empty nowadays, for the past few months, I've seen hope, I've felt hope. but its gone.

Like the candle in the wind, the fire snuffed out faster than you can blink. Despair and sadness crept in. Slow and surely eating me away and all i feel is this emptyness and the need to affection grows. WHAT THE FUCK am i writing? I don't know, im writing this while im in the office, looking around, nothing seems special anymore, just a dull slow spinning room waiting for the time to past so i can resume my shell life.

Something needs to happen soon, i need that something. How low can a person drop till it his the bottom. I don't know, i don't want to find out. I feel like im hitting the bottom soon. I need the spark, the firecracker, the lighting and thunder again.

I need to getaway. Go somewhere new, refresh everything, sometimes i wish for a new life, but the thought of leaving everything behind and start new scares the fuck out of me. I guess thats human nature or behaviour.

I read somewhere that "If a persons laughs at anything and everything, this means that deep down inside the person is lonely." Hahaha, fuck man, I guess that is like so true right? Why am i always laughing or trying to get people to laugh, i guess making them laugh makes me laugh so i can get a little joy in life for a while. Then it fades and the cheerful light goes away. Sigh..

I really have no idea what i am writing, i have so many things to say, but i cant organize it properly so like a floodgate im just writing whatever comes to mind.

Oh and i hate you now. Like really. Thin line between love and hate right?

Do you?

It's been a while right? Yeah, oh well, since my last long post am i doing better? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I still like her if that's what you're asking. Anyways, things are moving very fast, actually time is. I'm afraid that one day I wake up and I don't see you anymore.

You, you are my motivation, I always thought Rae would be my motivation to wake up and get my ass off the bed and come to work, then you came along, with your pretty smile and your big round eyes and your "no fucks" attitude, damn. That sweet voice i get to hear in the morning is better than any fucking coffee in this world. Gets me going for the entire day.

I know we're not gonna go anywhere, but these little slices of heaven or hell, works both ways, is really nice and i enjoy it every single time. Back of my head, this thought looms, what if tomorrow this thing ends? Fear struck my heart hard.

All i wanna do is make you smile, your smile could cure cancer and all the fucking disease in the world. Swear on it. Your smile so sweet, I got diabetes. LOL. No seriously, I may do alot of silly stuff and say stupid things, but its all just to get your to smile and laugh, thats all I'll ever need. But is that ever enough?

I heard this song, song from A Rocket ot the Moon. Loved their first album, their second is quite good too. This song takes the cake, ultimate victory. Why? The music is amazing, the lyrics his the fucking spot. I will say this song is our song. Song for you. I just wanna sing this song to you, cause this is how i feel about you.....



                                                                           A Rocket to the Moon - "I Do"

You get lost on your way back home, just about anywhere.
You sing off key to the radio, like nobody’s there.
And I love that your Sunday’s best is a holey pair of jeans
And I don’t stand a chance when you smile.

Yeah the longer that we’re together,
The good keeps on getting better,
I never thought that I would ever find someone like you.
Every day you show me I can,
Just when I think that I can’t love you anymore than I do, I do.

You change your hair colour every week, cause you’re never quite sure of it.
And I know when you’re mad at me, cause you tell me what I did
And all I think is beautiful, when I think of you,
And I still can’t believe that you’re mine.

Yeah the longer that we’re together,
The good keeps on getting better,
I never thought that I would ever find someone like you.
Every day you show me I can,
Just when I think that I can’t love you anymore than I do, I do.

All I see is beautiful, when I look at you.

Yeah the longer that we’re together,
The good keeps on getting better,
I never thought that I would ever find someone like you.
Every day you show me I can,
Just when I think that I can’t love you anymore than I do
I can’t love you anymore than I do, I do
I do.

F.E.E.L.I.N.G.S.

Slow day today, I have this thing going in my head. What is going on? I don't fucking understand. How did this happen?

I suck at this. Badly. I have no idea what am i supposed to do. Is there like a manual for these kind of things? Yeah sign me up.

So kinda been a retarded week for me.. Well last week. Today's Tuesday so I cant tell you about this week till next week.. lol.

I dont remember the last time we made eye contact. Like seriously. Last time I look up, she looks up, BAM! Eye contact, followed up by the sweetest smile that could kill all my doubts, my trouble, my pain. Now, all thats left if a cold barren land where even viruses run for their life.

We hardly even talk. Sitting opposite me, we usually have a little chat. Short simple, but hey it makes me happy. Makes the sun shine brighter. I miss that. Its like she completely disappeared. Even though sitting right in front of me, she might as well not be there. But this is worst. I can see her but i cant do anything.

Nothing can be done. Maybe something can be done. But I don't know what to do. Sigh. I feel so helpless. Fuck.

You know, I'm wondering how she actually feels. Or what is she feeling. Well mind reading would be perfect at this time. Does she feel the same, does she feel even anything, is this one sided? Well, those questions will never be answered. I know.

Thats what makes it hurt so much. Maybe i kinda went in too fast. After years there is this huge hole in me and i want it filled desperately. Maybe its this rashness that led me to fall so fucking hard. I think I'm still falling. Maybe this is all because she has a boyfriend. Will it be different if she was single?

This is the overthinking shit that is going on in my head for the past few days. SOHAI LA ADRIAN. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO.. At least last time, i have friends of the girls i like to talk to, to get some pointers and status update. Now, im like running behind enemy lines and FUCK. Stepped on a land mine.

Not gonna fucking survive. Not going to make it. Are we still in school? As much as I love high school drama, this is not the place and time to have one.

I have this  other thing I have to say, so some people in my office thinks that I'm a playboy. WTF? LOL. I told the guys and laughter burst out faster than a fat kid's burp. I dono how it happened. Maybe its cause im friendly towards girls. I mean saying hi, wave and joking with them. I dont know..

Is this why she is keeping her distance from me? I remember this one time, she asked me a question, so i told her, and she says i was sweet. I told her that's good right, she told me guys shouldnt bee too sweet. O.o, am i gonna give you diabetes. Apparently guys being too sweet will lose sincerity and that would turn a girl off.

That to me was new. I mean that was the weapon all guys use right? Was she hurt in someway in the past for her to tell me something like this? Either she's inviting some drama into her life or being cautious. I dont know. FUCK..

Then there is another thing that is also going on. At this stage in life, I'm sure girls want someone whose ambitious, goal oriented and know what they want. Right? For a city girl, yeah, i think so too. Currently to be honest. I have on ambition, no goals and have no idea what the fuck i really want.

Thats how lost i am. Im just living in the moment, going with the flow, procrastinating and not doing anything to move forward in life. I guess its my way of slowing the fuck down after going all out for the thing i wanted most. My Rae.

Failed a year in Monash, knocked some sense into myself, i studied hard, even got ACED a few subjects and finally graduated, that feeling was awesome, cause i had a goal, i want to graduate, get a good job and buy my dream car at the time was the new CRZ. So what happen? I did it, graduated, found a job within a month and bippiddi boppidi boom, got my car.

My car is not to showoff, its not to get girls or attract stupid things. Its an achievement. My achievement. Something i got for myself. Something that i worked extremely hard for. In the end, what i really wanted is to share it with somebody. I thought she was going to be the one..

Maybe what i do is encouraging all these. People tell me that the both of us are being very obvious. Off course its obvious. IM OBVIOUSLY DOING IT OBVIOUSLY.. I heeded the warning yet i continue to feed it.

Sigh.. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH, so many things i wanna say, but i dont know how to connect them.. ZZzzz i feel distraught.

MAYBE ITS NOT ME!~ Its her, but somehow its affecting me. Sigh. Stupid feelings.

Its been raining since 8am. and most probably will continue till evening. Sigh. Hate this kind of weather. On the bright side, i get to wear my coat. I look fucking cool in it. LOL. At least some good came out of this.

Back. Once fuking again.

Oh hello there,

Im back. Not sure for how long. Just needed a place to say somethings and i remember. I HAVE THIS PLACE!!..

Public you say? I dont care. Why?

In a way im kinda stressed. I have this feeling inside me. Which I haven't felt for a long time. I dono why, it all started a few months back. Backup.. so I'm currently working in CBSA Berhad, which is like only 5 minutes away from home. 

FUCK YEAH!! I wanted this job. Any job besides sales will do. Why? CAUSE ITS 5 MINUTES AWAY FROM HOME!!.. :D

Im not gonna lie to myself. So fuck it, I'll just say everything out here. If you read this then so be it. I don't care anymore.. maybe a little. AHH whatever~~ 

Yes in case if your thinking "IS IT A GIRL?" Yes. Yes. Its the only reason why i came back here. I just need to get it out. Fuck me.

I would really like to start formt he beginning cause i feel like i have FUCKING loads of things to say but fuck it.. im cutting it straight to the present. Its eating me up from the inside. Sigh, again, i havent felt this way in a long time. Not since Ms.E. 

This feeling i have. It hurts. It pulls. and sinks. Ok. So to the main point. I think I've fallen for this girl. This girl. She's pretty that i cant deny, she's fair. She has long hair. Big eyes. Killer smile. Well yeah, i know alot of girls like that. Met them, know them but i didnt feel like this for them.

What sealed me in was our interaction. FUCK! The laughs we have, the smile on her face. I told you, KILLER SMILE. Her personality and character is something different. Totally different from S and i think in a way similar to E. Hmmm..

Is there an off switch? Am I in Vampire Diaries? No. So no off switch. Means im fucked. Fucked in the heart. I guess its bound to happen. We met at work about 3 months back. She is sitting opposite me. So means eye contact, face to face everyday for the past 3 months. We interacted, we laugh and smile at eatch another. Shit.. it was bad, it seems we were flirting, am i doing it intentionally, maybe, hey im just being me. She? fuck would i know, maybe she's doing it intentionaly, or she's just being nice, or she's like that, or she's completely oblivious to it. 

So how i fell into this simple, MIXED SIGNALS. So we went out.. not on a date, for work, my job requires me to go out to see customer, she's new so i had to train her, so after we went to see out customer, we stopped over at chatime. YES FUCKING CHINESE I KNOW.. LOL

Whatever, we bought the drinks, sat down and talked. obviously i just got to know her, so i asked her some stuff you know. to expand our working relationship. So we talked. i got to know she hates lychee cause i ordered that and i like it.  among other stuff, so i got to the million dollar question. At that time i was like running out of questions to ask so ASKING ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP STATUS would be normal right? 

So i did, "are you single?" She gave me a smile and said "why?" Damnit women, the Mars aliens want to know! Obviously its a piece of information that i want to know. So i replied "asking only lo".. something like this i guess. So usually well people. Will give a "Yes" or a "No" answer. Its that fucking simple. HAHAHAHA guess what, she gave a third answer. "It's Complicated"....

.

.

.

.

.uhhh... oh...

WHAT?? Its complicated? My head started coming up with various explanations to fucking understand what did she just say...

So i was like, "that is not an answer!!" Stupidest answer to be ever said. I tried getting a definitive answer out but no joy. So what the fuck. Deep down inside i know the answer is yes. I mean come on. Right... But like me i was in denial, brain says yes, heart says no. 

I told this to a few people, some told me she's trying to have fun, playing me, didnt want to get into a relationship, scared of me (LOL).. but what the hell i dont care, all i heard myself said is.. LETS DO THIS!!!!

And down the fucking rabbit hole i went. Maybe she wasnt in a relationship at that time. Just maybe dating someone. Fuck would i know the difference but there is.. Anywho, time continues, we would just sit opposite each another, telling each another jokes, making each another laugh and smile. Seen by others a flirting. Rumors started spreading in office...

Apparently its quite obvious that there is something going on between the two of us because we've been seen together alot. I mean what the fuck, we're in the same team and obviously we will be seen together alot. But nooo, apparently what we are seen doing together in public is quite obvious, the interaction we have. Hmmmm....... Times goes on... Once, we went to McDs after meeting a customer, bought two sunday cones and just sat in the car under the drizzle eating our ice cream. 

Yeah if we were the couple, i would say that is romantic as fuck! but we werent.. just saying.....

We went to Penang, my genius idea of bringing all the BA's to Penang to clear outstanding cases and sort out those with problems, and also training the new BAs which is her and another colleague. So yeah, all and all it was quite a fun trip cause i think... we did get to know each another more.. 

Hahahaha, i asked her out on a movie date and she shot me down. Dinner too and got rejected. fuck.. i felt like shit. I mean like.. hmmm.. Ruby called me a moron and said "LIKE THIS SHE DEFINITELY GOT BF LA" Well Ruby's right. the moron part, mind you.. im still in denial..

Then one little day, she didnt drive to work, so i offered to send her home and she said her dad will come and pick her up.So i left, and i got home, chatted her up on Skype.We talked for a while and then she said her dad wasnt coming, so i reoffered my services.. (LOL).. and this time she said those words. 

"bf coming to pick me"

Arrow to the heel, dagger to the heart, bullet to the head. Yup its cleared. So whatever.. Me reading that sentence didnt really an impact on me.. why? like i said deep down i knew it. So yeah. It didnt catch me by surprise..

Ok this might take quite long cause i need to explain alot of things. Im an idiot. I can honestly say that. Maybe i got too invested in something that is not going to bear fruits. Maybe i should not have put so much feeling into it. Then what? become an insensitive jerk? that is not me. Not at all. Im stuck here.

There's a saying.. "if it continues someones gonna get hurt" well i did. I have fallen for a person which i cannot have. I dont want to just stop all communication with her.. it hurts not talking to her. but if this continues it hurts too... so yeah. GREAT JOB MAN. Im stuck. Left or right? Up or down?

Worst thing is. People told me there are other guy collegues texting her too.. yeah. That got me by surprise. The moment i heard that, my heart sank, like it was dropped into a deep dark well. That feeling sucks.  not sure it was jealousy or what. but i didnt like that feeling. Kinda still have those residual feelings at the moment. Pfft.. FUCK!!

Think i'll put a bookmark here. I think it is long enough. Not sure when the next post will be but it maybe repetitive. I have alot to say. FUCKING LOTS.. Sigh.......  

Im in a well. A deep dark well and once in a while she lowers the pail for some water. I dont want to be that. I want to be her waterfall. LOL.. I have no idea to what im saying now. I keep my telling myself i dont care, but who am i trying to lie to? I do care, I cared. I cant move on. FUCK!~

Women, cant leave without them.. LOL well for me.. Sigh. So whoever reads this congrats! hahaha.. oh wells...

I'm coming home tonight. So give it all....

retardation at the highest..

Tuesdays was like another Tuesday.. woke up damn early to go lecture.. omg damn boring Accs lecture.. sien.. 9 o clock somemore.. omg damn earlyyy.. lol.. had my tutorial class after that..

had one of the most retarded futsal games also.. omg.. i swear right.. one day i might juz tackle naza even though he is on my team.. we were on a 12 game unbeaten run.. out of nowhere while the opponents were on the attack.. 

he who is supposed to be defending the opponent.. HE FUKKEN RAN BACK TO SWAP KEEPER WITH DEVA? WTF? damn sohai..... OMG... @*(#@!(*#()@!#(!@... thanks to that we lost.. really fucking brainless fuck.. sien.. spoil my fukken mood.. haih..

in my head..

ur beautiful u know that? but i dont know why.. i dont think i'll be able to have u.. ur so far away.. all i see is ur back.. and its fading.. fast.. sigh.. only way to have u is in my head.. :(..

i'm gonna miss seeing u.. gonna miss the increased in heart beatings the moment i see u..

natanbastard..

ok so naza juz pissed me off.. i asked him at 930 wanna go for drinks.. he replied "i'll holla u back later" so i waited.. waited.. waited.. waited till 12.. then i ask him again he say not going.. ZZZZZzzzz

fucking stupid right? cant he jus say no from the start i dont have to wait so dman fucking long.. really retarded sial.. how the fuck u wanna do business with this stupid fuck attitude.. sien.. its really that easy.. say yes or no.. no need say stupid things la..really fucking sohai..

sync ur mom la!

dumb ass mistake.. i dont know why my phone is synced to my picasa album which is the same album all the pictures on this blog.. so yeah.. i tot if i deleted the pictures which are more than 1k of them from my phone.. it will just be REMOVED from my phone..

so yeah.. after deleting the pictures from my phone.. ALL THE PICS FROM THIS BLOG IS GONEE! WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF... certain posts in 2009 and most of 2010 have a " ? " there as pictures now.. ZOMGGG WTF LAAA.. FUCK U ANDROID AND GOOGLE!.. SYNC UR MOM LA PUKI!..zzzz how am i gonna get those pics back.. omg..

Broken Morning

Tuesday.. normal day? not really.. its one tiring day.. started off by waking up at 11......... went to Monash to clear up the late enrollment penalty.. sien.. enrolled late so at 1st i tot they charge me 100 ringgit per day im late.. so yeah.. i was late almost 1 week.. Monash charged me AUD237!!! that is RM871!!!

YEAH I DONT FUCKKEN BELIEVE IT EITHER!~.. so we went to monash.. yeahh me and EDDY.. LOL.. so we talked to the finance counter.. and apparently MSIAN students will be charged RM200.. so yeahhh.. the good news is im dont have to pay almost 900 bucks.. the bad news? i have to pay 200.. grrrr.. 200 is the cost of one gundam.. or one month of futsal sessions.. GRRRRRrrrrrr

after Monash we went to e@curve.. watch Twilight: Breaking Dawn.. YEAHHH.. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY..  HAHAHAHAHA i know.. my 1st time watching the Twilight movies in the cinema.. omgg wei.. THE MOVIE IS DAMN BORINGGGG... WTFFF...

SO BORING... 50% of the movie is about Edward and Bella kissing.. another 50% is Jacob emoing.. ZOMGGGG.. STUPID SHOW SIAL... then there is the fight scene.. yes ONLY ONE fight scene.. WHICH ONLY LASTED 30 SECONDS!.. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU... anyways.. the only positive thing that came out from the movie is the song.. played in the background during the wedding scene..

OH YA!.. those who was planning to watch this movie for the sex scene.. IT WAS CUT OUT ENTIRELY FROM THE MOVIE.. DAMN RETARDED.. i dont know if its Cathay or wat.. or maybe its the Msia censorship board.. FUUUU!~

whats with Kristen Stewart? she has only like one face.. i mean one emotion.. ZOMG... she looks the same when she cried.. when she was scared.. when she is happy.. when she woke up.. when she tried to be sexy.. when she died.. ZOMG... DAMN FAIL.. FUUUUUUUU...

heat shorters

my Thursdays preeeetttttttyyy boring.. cuz the interesting part was waking up.. at 12.. showered.. and by 1230.. i left the house.. where? to BTS again! thats Berjaya Times Square.. lolz..

damn syok.. took me 15 minutes to reach BTS from my place.. the roads are not jammed up.. i used federal.. then to SMART and comes out right beside BTS.. did my illegal parking outside.. best part.. i reach there there was a lift ready to go uppp!~ 

got my kit! and went to the lift.. again luckyyy.. haha.. went down... coming back was abit slow.. federal is always jammed up going towards sunway.. o well... got home by 145.. syokk.. rest of the day was spent playing Skyrim.. and watching series.. yeaaaah.. thats all .. night was futsal..

it was pretty dissappointing.. Ash and Syafiq canceled on me.. so the team was in pretty bad shape.. Eddy filled in and a dude from anotehr team joined us.. so yeah.. it was not flowing well.. we only won ONE game.. yeaaa.. o well im not feeling so hot.. well my body feels hottt.. ishhhhhh

shit out of luck..

ok.. Tuesday.. my HRM paper is done.. NO MORE EXAM!!!.. The paper? i swear i have no idea what was i writing in part 2.. i felt so clueless.. SIGHHH.. all i can do now i hope its enough to pass the damn subject...

so speaking of luck.. i went to BTS after my paper to pick up the MG Sandrock.. well i asked that day in LYN forum how much it was.. they told me so i assumed that the stock is available.. so i drove.. from monash to BTS.. took me almost 1 hour.. i missed my turning to SMART tunnel cuz i have no idea where is was going.. lolz..

so i finally found it.. and saw this... FUUUUuu.. 

i tot it was cool.. cuz if it rained i can do illegal parking outside BTS... run up.. pick my kit up and goo.. but fuck it.. the clouds were coming,, but not fast enough.. so i parked.. got out and got up.. went there to find out that the STOCK HAS NOT ARRIVE!! WTF KENA CON!!~ FUUUUUUUUUUUU

so wth.. i left.. AND IT RAINED.. zzzzz.. o well.. didnt matter.... journey home took 20 minutes.. traffic was damn smoooooth.. no problem at all.. :D

then i juz stayed home and watch some series and play Skyrim for awhile.. went for futsal at night.. MANGG it was awesomeeee.. i scored 8! wahahaha... WIN.. cant wait to play again on thrusday.. kick starting my diet again.. gonna hit 80kgs this time.. i was sooo close.. 81.. o well..

eaten up..

Sunday was quite boring.. woke up.. then went for lunch.. came back.. played Skyrim till 6.. back of my head telling me to studyyyyy... but all i did was playyyyyyyyy... sigh.. dinner was even depressing.. its been so long since my family actually sat and eat dinner.. today my mom had some function and my dad had something to do.. ended up eating at suku.. again.. like yesterday.. sigh..

something is going on which i think i know but i dont wanna accept or believe it.. sigh.. this thing is gonna make me kill someone very soon.. the complaints.. the rants.. the sadness.. its driving me to hate...

Thursday was cool.. nothing much happen in the afternoon.. i slept till 12.. didnt even go out to eat cuz... my mom FFK me.. o well.. stayed home and played finish Modern Warfare 3.. fucking awesome game.. more on that later..

then it was pretty much series after series and then dinner.. then futsal.. futsal wasnt so bad.. my team is recovering from the injury and lack of form crisis.. we're getting better.. and that is a good sign!..

the fag can take his team and shove it back to where it belongs..!~ in his asss

Get it right

Its Tuesday.. and i have my stats paper tomoro.. i'm damn tired of studying for exam.. i dont mind waking up early to go to classes and all.. but seriously fucking exam sucks.. i'd rather do a 100% assignment or coursework subject.. that is much more fun.. ....

anyways.. so there is this 2 guys.. totally different situations.. but same outcome.. both are fucking stupid.. 1st one was.. one of my fren Y asked on Facebook which is better.. the Black or White Samsung Galaxy S2.. so i told him that get the black if he wanted clear screen cuz the one i have which is Black has the SUPER AMOLED SCREEN.. but the White which JD has.. is running on the different OS which only has CLEAR LCD screen..

so yeah.. then this random chinese fella.. he is Y's friend..come and talk cock.. without checking any info.. comes and say.. "WHERE IS THE PROOF TO THE CLAIM?" well not in caps.. but im pretty sure thats what he means..

MY PROOF? U WANT MY PROOF? GOOGLE LA SOHAI!~.. the fucking information is like OUT THERE! ZOMG.. WHY ARE U SO DAMN STUPID!?!?!


Sigh.. then another totally separate case..  another fren of mine Z.. he posted on Facebook about Jack Wilshere from Arsenal said he promised that he will stay in Arsenal FOREVER!~.. so i commented that "there was a similar player who said that once.. Fabregas".. i remember Fabs said that few seasons ago.. so i checked.. and yeah.. he said that in 2009..

then.. this chinese fella.. Z's fren.. come and comment.. and say that Fabs never said that.. sigh.. OH MY GOD DUDEEE.. GO AND CHECK GOOGLE LAA ZOMGGG.. @!(*#)(!@&$)@!#)(..

i damn sien wanna talk to these ppl.. really damn tulan.. sigh.. so fuck u stupid chinese people.. !@&#*)@!(*#)@!(#

o btw.. THIS FACEBOOK PROFILE IS DAMN FUNNY! OMG HAHAHHAHA.. see the name.. then the ppl who inpires him.. HAHAHAHAH

WHY!

friday totally sucks man... LIKE SERSIOUSLY.. woke up at 1230 cuz the wallpaper people came to fix me room.. it was damn lame cuz i have to shift EVERYTHING out of my room.. that is ok cuz its expected.. what i didnt expect was..

STAYING AT HOME FROM 1230 afternoon to 9 at night!!!! sigh... i cant use my pc.. i cant study.. all i can do is play the ps3.. not complaining but playing form 12 to 9 is retarded.. I WAS DAMN SLEEPY and TIRED.. didnt expect they will take so long... zzzz..

anyways went to Old Town PJ to eat dinner.. had Bak Kut Teh.. that was the best thing about my dayy.. FANTASTIC RIGHT? LOL..

Ball meets Face..

So Thursday.. EPIC FACE!.. LOL.. basically nothing happen the whole afternoon except at night in futsal.. finally getting to play a proper game with the team.. haha.. and the douche is really pissing me off.. 

last time we played.. they were 30-40 minutes late to a ONE HOUR GAME!.. HOW THE FUCK... so yeah.. so yesterday.. i arrived at ferro 1st.. then he came.. so we waited.. waited.. game was at 9.15.. i reached at 9.. so at 920..ish.. his team arrived.. farker.. the moment they started to wear their shoes.. the DOUCHE..asked me "where ur team la"..

FUUU all I said was.. "coming".. not even five minutes.. "they coming?" FUUUUUUuu.. i started getting annoyed.. then Ash and Nik came.. left Puvi and Syafiq who was on the way.. the court started at 930.. madefacka cannot shadap.. every one minute.. "ur team coming a not?" macauhai.. FUCKKING ANOYYING... so when he was 40 minutes late.. its ok.. mahai.. my teammates 10 minutes late.. its APOCALYPSE... Zzzz 

This fucker.. got new team.. then fucking proud.. i mean cmon la.. WTF?.. before this.. he was NOTHING.. cant even save a ball to save his own life.. sigh..... so the best part of the night was... Nik.. from the middle of the court he does his IMBA GAY ASS LEFT LEG ROCKET GIGA SHOT.. LOL.. i was in the penalty box.. i saw the ball coming my way.. 

managed to dodge it like in the Matrix *fuck yea*.. LOL.. the ball went pass.. i turned.. BOOOOM!~ HEADSHOTT!~~.. i was blocking the fag.. as i moved he didnt have the time to evade or *save* the shot.. the ball rockected straight to his face.. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA IT WAS FUCKING FUNNNNYYY~~~... HAHAHAHAHAHAH.. honestly la.. he got it coming.. i swear.. before the game i already say.. aim keeper only.. but too bad la.. Nik innocently shot his face.. HAHAHAHHAHAH.. omg.. the moment the ball hits his face.. the 1st person to laugh was.. NOT ME!.. IT WAS SYAFIQ..

THAT FELLA... ZOMG... LAUGH SO LOUD.. to cover himself u know what he did?.. HAHAHHAAH HE DID THIS!!

HE WAS THE KEEPER AND HE WAS LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF... omg he laugh damn loud and fucker.. i think he pissed the fag's teammates off.. HAHAHAHAHA.. it was worth the fucking time and money la..

moral of the story is.. dont be a bitch.. dont brag about ur "imba" team to other people when actually ur the new addition.. dont be annoying.. dont go say things like "opponents' level is too low"... it makes urself look like a fucking retard..

what really pissed me off is he calling me and ask "do you have ur five?".. madefaka.. wait la..

SUCKKS!

Wednesday is here and u know what? EXAM SUCKED! zzz MRM EXAM! SUCKSSSSSSSS.... sigh... OMG.. i dont even remember what i was writing.. damn stupid la.. ZZZZzzz.. i dono how to do this exam at all.. it doesnt make any sense!! maybe i didnt study enough.. ughh.. i really have no confident at all in this paper.. GAHHHH

rest of the day wasnt that cool.. drove around from sunway to OUG then to old town then to subang.. then home.. zzz DAMN FARRRRRrrr... i dont mind driving but damn sien... ahh nvm dont really wanna talk about that.. sigh..

night was retarded.. went to uni to study.. ended up exploring the new Starbucks and the monash residence.. damn big place.. 22 floors.. i know right.. COOOOoool.... lots of chics there also.. wahaha... FUCK MRM!

breakdown.. i'm giving up..

Monday.. haha.. classes well for me has officially ended.. went for stats lecture today.. god i feel lost.. even though i was at every tutorial i swear i dont have a clue on whats happening.. pretty interesting thing happen.. lecture was in audi 2.. annd - - - --  -- - ----------------------------------------------

u know.. some ppl when they are sad or depressed or u know angry.. they do all kinds of shit.. they smoke, drink, sex, speed, drugs.. i dono.. im a but sad, kinda depressed and angry.. but i dont know what to do with all this feelings.. gah.. i wanna hit something so hard.. gahhh.. i hate this.. i dont like being angry.. i fucking hate this.. ARGGHHH.... i dont get addicted to stuff.. i dont smoke.. dont drink.... ...... maybe not yet start to drink..... guess at this age i can only blast the music and scream along..

i really want someone to talk to.. someone i can share stuff with.. sigh.. my frens? their useless.. some seems like they dont even care.. some always make it abt them.. i've been listening to everyone.. but dont think they ever listen to me.. so fuck yeah.. i dont mind.. im always there to help.. but u know.. its sad.. i dono why.. i feel like my friends are juz ppl around me that i see everyday.. i dont have that connection.. i dont feel it.. i feel distant.. i want to have a connection with someone.. i had that.. i miss that.. i lost that.. i was an idiot for screwing it up.. a time machine is perfect.. i wud go back in time and beat the shit out of myself for doing wat i did..

its reaallly eating me up.. .... i hate this.. WTF is happening? this never happen back in high school.. ......................................................................... . . . . . .. ............. i feel like this place is going nowhere.. i really have enough of this place and people.. i wanna go somewhere else.. i want new friends.. friends who actually cares.. but i know that kinda things dont exist anymore.. friends are like tools.. they are there cuz either they might need to use u.. or the other way around.. i help all my frens as much as i can.. but it sucks when i ask something and i get excuses and stupid answers.. im tired.. i really am..

everything around are lies.. frens telling frens lies.. either to boast or to show off.. im bored of this.. i have to put on this mask.. this smiling mask.. izit so hard to tell the truth? truth may hurt but its the only way? well i know im asking for something that can only happen in my head on my bed before sleep.. guess thats life..  life was much more simpler back in high school..

all there is.. is to study.. now? the future.. job, work, responsibilities.. life.. guess thats the process of growing up huh? sigh.. guess i really have one thing in my mind now.. i wanna grad from monash.. and get the hell out of here.. i wanna go somewher new.. i wanna meet new people.. they may be better or may be worst.. i'll never know.. but thats the fun part right? knowing someone.. its gonna be hard leaving this place.. but i seriously dont see anything here that i need anymore.. this routine sucks..

i swear the only joy i get in life these days are when i have a brief chat with her.. juz a random tweet from her will light my way.. light it the whole day.. i really regret not getting to know her better.. sigh..