It's been a while. I just needed to let this stuff out.
I'm an emotional wreck. I'm an ass.
You know the saying "you don't know what you've got until it's gone"? All this while I felt safe. Knowing that it's there. Now that it seems to be fleeting away, it hit me. Like a bus. Hit me so hard I'm in a fucking tailspin.
I don't know. I didn't want to get involved. But somehow my heart is a dumb fuck. I keep telling myself no. But my heart knows I'm lying to myself.
When it wasn't mine, I wanted it. Went for it. Tried it. Then things changed. Changed to my favour and I like the ass I am, didn't want it. Kept my distance.
Today is the day. The day I came to realization. I love her. I don't know why I don't just tell her. I avoided the question.
Too be honest. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of life and what's ahead. Fear of the uncertainty that lies ahead. I hate this. Maybe it's time to be honest about my feelings. Stop running away and just tell her how I feel.
I guess it's normal. Normal to be always thinking about the road not taken. What if something better comes along. Fuck.
