"move on"
"why are you still holding on?"
"forget about her"
Yeah, this is so damn easy to do. *sarcasm*
Its not. Ok maybe it is, but there are side effects to this. The psychological effects it has. It sucks, its depressing. Fucking depressing. I dont know. I feel very detach at the moment, feel like an extra wheel. Feel like i dont belong.
Is this the effect of me trying to move on? or the effect that i dont speak their language? I think its both. Pfft. No really, I've tried to reduce our contact. I think i cut it off so hard and fast, my heart took a cut in the process. Now its like we're strangers. We dont even look at each another in the eye anymore.
It feels like she's pissed about something. Something I did, something i said, maybe. I dont know i dont read minds. But i get the vibe, the feeling she gives off towards me. So yeah, it hurts seeing how we turned out. I was willing to do anything for her.
Never in a long time i felt this way. Never was i willing to go all out for a girl. Then, I found this one, and i had hopes, some glimmer of it. False hope is what it was, fueled by my own denial and ignorance, that light got stronger but suddenly things spiraled out of control.
Just when i gotten comfortable around her, i came out of the shell and jumped right into a storm. Shitstorm. Mutilated, lacerated, and bruised is what my heart got. I was warned that this wasnt gonna end well. Is this the end? I dont know, as long as she's here, its not.
So i dont know where to go or what to do, persevere? Brace the storm and go on through? Go back into this shell? Cut my losses and move somewhere? I dont know. Fuck this. This thing has been hell for me, my motivation has been off because of this.
The day i do not want to come to here is when its time to move on right?
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