breakdown.. i'm giving up..

Monday.. haha.. classes well for me has officially ended.. went for stats lecture today.. god i feel lost.. even though i was at every tutorial i swear i dont have a clue on whats happening.. pretty interesting thing happen.. lecture was in audi 2.. annd - - - --  -- - ----------------------------------------------

u know.. some ppl when they are sad or depressed or u know angry.. they do all kinds of shit.. they smoke, drink, sex, speed, drugs.. i dono.. im a but sad, kinda depressed and angry.. but i dont know what to do with all this feelings.. gah.. i wanna hit something so hard.. gahhh.. i hate this.. i dont like being angry.. i fucking hate this.. ARGGHHH.... i dont get addicted to stuff.. i dont smoke.. dont drink.... ...... maybe not yet start to drink..... guess at this age i can only blast the music and scream along..

i really want someone to talk to.. someone i can share stuff with.. sigh.. my frens? their useless.. some seems like they dont even care.. some always make it abt them.. i've been listening to everyone.. but dont think they ever listen to me.. so fuck yeah.. i dont mind.. im always there to help.. but u know.. its sad.. i dono why.. i feel like my friends are juz ppl around me that i see everyday.. i dont have that connection.. i dont feel it.. i feel distant.. i want to have a connection with someone.. i had that.. i miss that.. i lost that.. i was an idiot for screwing it up.. a time machine is perfect.. i wud go back in time and beat the shit out of myself for doing wat i did..

its reaallly eating me up.. .... i hate this.. WTF is happening? this never happen back in high school.. ......................................................................... . . . . . .. ............. i feel like this place is going nowhere.. i really have enough of this place and people.. i wanna go somewhere else.. i want new friends.. friends who actually cares.. but i know that kinda things dont exist anymore.. friends are like tools.. they are there cuz either they might need to use u.. or the other way around.. i help all my frens as much as i can.. but it sucks when i ask something and i get excuses and stupid answers.. im tired.. i really am..

everything around are lies.. frens telling frens lies.. either to boast or to show off.. im bored of this.. i have to put on this mask.. this smiling mask.. izit so hard to tell the truth? truth may hurt but its the only way? well i know im asking for something that can only happen in my head on my bed before sleep.. guess thats life..  life was much more simpler back in high school..

all there is.. is to study.. now? the future.. job, work, responsibilities.. life.. guess thats the process of growing up huh? sigh.. guess i really have one thing in my mind now.. i wanna grad from monash.. and get the hell out of here.. i wanna go somewher new.. i wanna meet new people.. they may be better or may be worst.. i'll never know.. but thats the fun part right? knowing someone.. its gonna be hard leaving this place.. but i seriously dont see anything here that i need anymore.. this routine sucks..

i swear the only joy i get in life these days are when i have a brief chat with her.. juz a random tweet from her will light my way.. light it the whole day.. i really regret not getting to know her better.. sigh..